He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
