haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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