I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
