I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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