We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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