I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
