Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
