apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
