I just cut my nipple shaving
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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