I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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