There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
