Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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