i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
