I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
