thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
