I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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