So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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