so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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