My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
