Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
