worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
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