If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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