So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
