Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
