So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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