I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How drunk are you?
Completed.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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