Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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