He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
