Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
