So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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