I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
