How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
