He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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