shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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