Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
