i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
