i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
