Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
