A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
