and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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