It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
