I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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