I CAN MOONWALK!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
