My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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