I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
