Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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