I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
