well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
