you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
