ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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