I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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