Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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