my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
