How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
